I’m hungover. Yes, I know. Shocker. But this is an acceptable state to be in on New Years Day. An evening of heavy drinking to block out the fact that New Years Eve is generally shit is allowed. In fact it’s the law. One must not remain sober on New Years Eve. Unless preggers. I once foolishly managed to mess up my dates and had to endure a sober Christmas and New Year as I was heavily up the duff with F. It was the most depressing week of my life. I was in bed at 7pm every night, just to try to make the week go quicker. I breathed a sigh of relief on January 1st, knowing that most people would now be on the wagon and miserable like me. Anyone who says you don’t have to drink to have a good time is a big fat liar. Fact.
Anyway I digress. I’m sat here in my acceptable hungover state, rocking gently, feral children trashing the house around me and I find myself contemplating making a resolution. Should I be making any? Everyone in this weeks OK magazine seems to have made one, even Rylan. Perhaps I should jump on the bandwagon? Because I’m so good at keeping resolutions. Or am I?…lets see…
I’m not going to drink in the week
This generally lasts until the 2nd January when I realise I have another 5 whole days until the feral children go back to school, and the only way I’m going to survive 5 days of them being cooped up in the house because the monsoon weather outside is preventing us from going out and breathing fresh air, is to hook myself up to an IV drip containing Pinot Noir.
This resolution happens because I foolishly weigh myself on New Years Day and have an absolute heart attack. I will then vow to exercise like a mad sweaty woman in an attempt to lose the pounds put on from the Christmas binge-fest. I will of course put this off for a week until when the kids go back to school so I can focus on it properly. But then I will allow myself a week off to relax now they’re back at school, you know, a bit of me-time after the Christmas stress. But then I’ll get a cold and, well, you can’t exercise with a cold, everyone knows that. But then it’s my birthday week and it’s the law of the Exercise Gods that you mustn’t exercise near your birthday. But then..and then.. You get the gist, right? Never. Going. To. Happen.
I will definitely try to cook more
I will even go and buy some fancy cookware in the sales. They will of course sit there gathering dust. Because I’m a crap cook and I hate cooking. And poor Mr Kipling is struggling in this tough economic climate so he needs supporting. So I’ll just carry on buying, not cooking. Selfless aren’t I?!
I promise I’ll sit down and play more games with the children
This will last approximately 3 minutes into the first game when we all end up arguing and one of us storms off in tears. It’s usually me. I hate losing. And I don’t like being called poo head.
I will clean the oven every week.
So you see I’m rubbish at this resolution lark. I don’t think I’ll bother. Resolutions are for strong people, not weak kittens like me. I’ll just carry on being a wine drinking slummy mummy I think. Why change a winning combination?
Here’s to 2013 and being ourselves.
Here’s to all of us mummies on the wine, cheers!